So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
