i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
