Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
