so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Randomize
