I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
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