Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
this hospital has no fireball
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
