she takes plan B like it's going out of style
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
