Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
