I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
