don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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