she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
i wish my penis had a tongue
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Randomize
