If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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