All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
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