I murdered the dance floor call the cops
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Randomize
