She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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