woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
My Sexting was not on an AP level
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
