Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
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