Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
