I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
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