Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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