i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
