Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
