3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
This beer is not sobering me up at all
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
