guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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