Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
