when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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