the new term for farting is butt boxing.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
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