I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
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