His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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