Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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