I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Randomize
