Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
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