Old men and throwing up are my life now.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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