Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
