Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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