The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
