My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
