whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
