His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
