Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
