"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
