How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Randomize
