Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
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