I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
