I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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