Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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