a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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