Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I just made out with a guy for $7.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
