a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
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