Me. At least after what I've been through.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
