i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
