sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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