Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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