I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Oh and itβs been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! ππππ¬π³π
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize