Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
