Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
