mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
