i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
