I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
