He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
