I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Come share oat with me in your robe
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Randomize
