it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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